Plan B is the new Plan A
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
