Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
