We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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