My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You ruined the universe
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
