Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
