p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize