i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
