They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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