Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize