Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
