why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
