it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
