He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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