I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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