its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
