I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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