When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
