laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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