it's not cheating when I paid for it
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
