Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize