I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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