My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
