So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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