I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
