she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
