a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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