When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
