I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
