I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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