I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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