i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I love having hate sex.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We have so much sex to catch up on
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
