it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
