fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
