so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
