Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
