I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
