Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Girls should come with a carfax report
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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