My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
