I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I am midnight drunk by noon
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
