So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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