Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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