You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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