i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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