rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
