I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
