Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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