I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
