My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I could fuck to npr.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
