census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
