1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
