True but thats because hes a fetus.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
