I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
