i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
