He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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