Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You pole danced in your parka.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
