I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
