I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
