Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
