it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's blow job season.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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