there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
