im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
