Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
bring money and cleavage
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
