if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize