Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Terrible idea I love it
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
