I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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