I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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