if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
