She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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