If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
