You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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