I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
