i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
