Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
