So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Even my vagina gasped.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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