if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
