I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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